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Voicing Silence 7

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dial 911 for Amma - 3

Now, where was I? Yes, we were about to tell our families that we would take care of the delivery matters ourselves without seeking help from them. And when we did, I was surprised by the ease with which the news went down with them. It was an anti-climax. Do whatever you think will work, said my father. Alright then, said my father-in-law, you have our blessings. What? I wanted to ask. Are you not going to listen to my list of reasons? My lengthy rant about why I would want things done my way and so on? Oh well, I thought to myself, if you are really fine with it, then it's all sorted.

But as the months progressed and the families realised that we were serious about doing it all on our own, it became a bit more difficult to convince them. My mother-in-law took it particularly hard. Time and again she offered to come and help us. I don't know about you but I find it awkward to turn down offers of help. Like I'm somehow ungrateful and unappreciative of the person's generosity. And to have to do it repeatedly was not easy. There was the added feeling of guilt at not letting her spend time with her son and grandchild. It's just that I didn't think that the fragile and fortunately, good relationship I enjoy with my in-laws would survive the stress brought on by a new born child.

It's a scenario I've seen repeated once too often. Mothers and daughters falling out during the period immediately following childbirth. Really, could I hold my temper and not lose my cool with my mum-in-law? I didn't think I could. And so the last few months of my pregnancy were spent trying to reassure families back in India that we could manage on our own. Our families weren't entirely convinced that we could pull it off. Someone who was going to be visiting us was asked to submit a 'field report' on his return to India. Had we cracked under the pressure? Was the strain starting to show yet? I must admit that some of their misgivings did worry me. But the rock that is my husband was more than convinced that we would fine. But as we grew closer to the due date, I started to panic. Was it too late to call someone over from India?

(to be continued...)


Anonymous said...

WOW ... Just the kind of blog I am looking for ... pleeeeeaaaassse continue.

Yes I always wonder if a pregnant woman really needs ma/MIL help or not. OR whether it is unfair to expect them to be perfect-guardian-angels! :)

Especially after reading so many home-birth stories online - it seems all that we need is a supportive husband to lean on and a soothing Doula to hold on to (or a best friend - sensible and experienced!), who are possibly very hard to get!!! Some are lucky to have soothing doula and best friend in a mother or MIL - but not all!

Will we also get some tips on miraculous 3 hour / 4 hour delivery secrets? :) Was it the marathon fit body? Or special diet or special yoga?

shyam said...

How long are you planning to drag this out? :) Let's see more! (ofc i know you have the babies to look after, but still!)

Lavanya said...

can't wait to read the rest of the story!

Swarna said...

i second shyam...indha weekly instalments of thodar kadhai ellam vendaam...oru longish QT range le mudinga please...it's such a compelling read!

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