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Life On An Eversilver Plate

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I ask, you write 8

Thank you for all the stories. Some truly wonderful ones in the last lot. Now for the next question.

Can you see Sarasa over there? Notice how she winces as she climbs the stairs. She's torn a ligament in her ankle. Ask her how she injured herself and she'll say something vague about tripping down the stairs and so on. But I think you know the real story.

Please keep your stories short and post them in the comment box. Thank you.


monu said...

But I know the real story..I really do...

Well, she had a wonderful husband , and two lovely kids.Her husband took such good care of her. She was always the cynosure of his eys, he would re-assure her.

Her kids, what words would do them justice? She would always proclaim that they were worth the penance....such wonderful kids, who doted on their mother, who equally doted back on them.

It was one Lovey-dovey family,I tell you.

And then time flew by, her husband passed away, very peacefully, and the kids grew big and with them, their dreams too...so they took off abroad...

So what has all this got to do with the torn ligament in her ankle, you ask??

Well, well...there's nohting wrong with any ligament in her ankle...it is just the loneliness, and total lack of attention from anyone...

Poor thing, She was so used to being the centre of attention,She would do some little acting to get that teeny weeny attention from her nrighbours....

Her ankle is just fine...

Shyam said...

Nice one Monu!

A4ISMS said...

I’ve seen it coming for a long time…. They were made for each other. Sarasa and Deboshree! A regular Marie and Debra Barone combination, I tell you. Everybody saw it. The first time Deboshree stepped into Sarasa’s house the atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a blunt knife! Therein started their eternal game of one-upmanship! Not that they had anything out in the open….. but the they alternated the predator and prey routine so adeptly that it was difficult to keep a tab on the score. Like on Debo’s birthday. Sarasa had signed her up for week long prepaid classes with the doyen of tele-cookery shows…. I know how insulted Debo felt by this pointed reminder that she had moronic culinary skills. I know she had been waiting to get even…. So on Mother’s Day, she drives Sarasa to Cleo’s Body Shop and tells her she has signed her up for a two week aerobic session….to whittle her waist and transform her into a new hep gal! Oh! Did Debo gloat, when she saw how alarmed Sarasa had been! Still Sarasa’s pride wouldn’t let her admit defeat and she valiantly laced herself into the Nikes, her daughter in law had considerately bought her…I knew it….. The very first day, Sarasa had started limping…but she wouldn’t give up. Fate was kind to her though… On the second day, she tripped on an undone shoelace and came crashing down. She’a torn a ligament, her doctor advised her to avoid climbing stairs, bathe the foot in salty, warm water and take plenty of rest. But Sarasa wouldn’t be told what to do by others…ever! So, she climbs stairs, wincing with pain as she does… I know it is her pride that has been injured more… You ask me how I know all this? I am the Ray Barone, dammit!

ahiri said...

Ah! her... Kanthabai told me she sliped ....but i think i know what happened ........
always tryin hog all the attention ... it used to be food, and the songs , and then gossip,makeup, those horrible paintings but lately it was Charlie Chaplin.

She walked like him at home ,
She walked like him to the store ,
She walked like him to the park,
She walked like him everywhere and all the time .

People looked at her all those times and all that where .They brought their kids along to see her and some even their dogs.She walked , they laughed and she was happy but after 4 months they got all tired .

So she got back home and put her left ankle right and it snapped .

She still keeps her right ankle twisted in like him .Its sad but funny to watch her walk now .Maybe deep inside,she likes that too !

Jade said...

Everyone's become inventive, but what about the 'keep them short'?

Shyam said...

But I do know the real story. I’m Sarasa’s best friend and Sarasa was telling the truth about tripping down the stairs. What she was vague about was how it had happened. I can tell you how, though, in one word – Mahalingam. No matter what he does to her, Sarasa will never, ever, EVER complain about her husband. He has the ultimate hold over her in the form of their daughter, Radhika. Did I say “their daughter”? I really meant “her daughter”. Sarasa’s daughter, but not Mahalingam’s.

Sarasa had made the one proverbial mistake when she was 18 years old, and paid for it in the one proverbial way - by getting pregnant. Her horrified mother married Sarasa off to Mahalingam, her younger brother - yes, Sarasa’s own uncle. It sounds horrible but that sort of marriage used to be traditional in villages, so although there were some raised eyebrows, there wasn’t any outrage as such.

It suited Mahalingam – he had always had an eye on attractive Sarasa. Also, I suppose he felt like a hero and to Sarasa, he was. He had not only saved her from certain disaster, but had even accepted another man’s daughter as his own. At first, that is. He was happy enough when Radhika was born but when the months passed and Sarasa did not get pregnant again, his attitude changed, slowly but surely. He took it as a personal affront, as if Sarasa was deliberately insulting his manhood. She was the uncomplaining outlet for his frustrations. To me she said that she understood his anger – and his threat to let Radhika know that she was illegitimate effectively ensured her silence.

I’m very worried for Sarasa, though. Mahalingam is getting progressively more violent. If I spoke up, Sarasa might be spared a few beatings, but if Mahalingam follows through on his threat to tell Radhika, Sarasa will never forgive me… and her suffering all these years will have been in vain. What do I do?

Annon said...

Sarasa was always afraid of the slightly crazy looking boy. Whenever I took her to the playground, she would say, I hope he isn’t there, but he was always there.

She loved the swing, but apparently whenever she was on It, he would slowly push the other swing towards her, hoping to hit her.

I never noticed. But then I was always too busy snogging Kerem. This was the only time we got to ourselves.

Then one day it happened. The swing hit her and she fell off her swing. It must have really hurt, because she even stopped crying, and went all quiet and sullen.

Apparently, the boy came to her saying he was very sorry, and asked her not to say what happened, or he wouldn’t be allowed on the playground again. And it would never happen again.

I know, because she came to me, and said, we cant tell Amma what happened, so I will make something up, don’t tell her what happened. We rushed her to the doctor anyway, and he said she had torn a ligament.

She went home and told her mother, “Amma, I slipped down these stairs”. I went along.

What to do? Kerem looks after the boy.

Shirsha said...

Jaya was showing us her videos from school, where she worked as a teacher, Jaya had choreographed a dance that year for the annual day and then she had captured the final performance in video as well. It was a bhangra dance with 4 pairs in it, the guys all dressed in their lungis and silky jackets and turbans and they carried a stick over their heads and at times across their shoulders which had streamers hanging by the side, and the girls they were in patiala style salwar kameezes and dupatta over their heads, sort of like women in the gurudwaras, seen them? Jaya must have suddenly turned to talk to someone on her right and the video suddenly swung and showed a girl trying to climb by the steps to the stage with a vague expression, for a brief while, before returning to the stage.
'Who's that?' I asked.
'Oh, that, thats Sarasu, notice how she winces as she climbs the stairs. She's torn a ligament in her ankle. Ask her how she injured herself and she'll say something vague about tripping down the stairs and so on. hahaha..'
'She was supposed to be in the dance, as that girl in the green dress. She was this v show-off types, rich dad's brat of a daughter. She was wearing really high heels on children s day, the day all kids get to be in clothes other than uniform, when she twisted her feet and well.. she had to pull out of the dance, which was just 3 days later. In a way it was sad, but somehow nobody really sympathised with her, you know!'

Anonymous said...

Well she isnt being untruthful when she says she tripped down the stairs. Its what made her trip down the stairs is what is interesting. Last friday, she came home early from work to cook her husband his favortie fish curry. They live on the 2nd floor you know and none of this wouldve happened if the lift had been wokring. So Sarasa took the stairs and on the niche in the landing in between the 1st and the 2nd floor, where her watchman Raju usually slept she discovered that her husband had returned early too. So she isnt lying when she says she hurt her ankle by tripping on the stairs.

Subbu said...

Shilpa Shetty is responsible for Sarasa's torn ligament. Let me explain. Sarasa, works as a maid for the Gundumallis', whose TV was on all the time. One day, when Ms. Sugamana Gundumalli was napping, Sarasa, stealthily watched Shetty in a Bollywood number.
Inspired, she slipped on Chinna Gundumalli's stilettos and tried out a few moves of her own. Feeling quite confident and sexy, she now wanted Murugappa, the watchman, to see her. However, the puddle of water from her sloppy mopping sent her sprawling back to reality. And that is why Shilpa Shetty tore Sarasa's ligament.

shakhuni said...

"I tripped down some stairs". that's what she told me last week.
"why do you climb them again?" i asked her.
she winced and smiled at the same time and looked so much like k.r.vijaya that, for a moment, i wondered if she would begin bawling "aththaan" etc.

anyway, vijay adhiraj let the cat out of the bag yesterday. sarasa has been training for this new serial called "Marumagal". she is a young bride in that with several brothers and sisters, all young and newly married, and everybody has terrible in-laws who are always glaring into the camera between the ad-breaks. sarasa's mother-in-law one day pushes sarasa down the stairs, just after everybody has finished watching "jodi no.1". sarasa is therefore training to walk with a limp. it has been two weeks now, vijay told me. he also told me that sowkar janaki was playing a very important role in the story and that she had finally learnt how to say "achcha".
i thanked him for the info and wondered why sarasa should be training for 2 weeks.
"Oh! they've paused the shooting. the mother-in-law fell down the stairs in her house that same night and everybody is waiting for her to stop walking with a limp."
i laughed then because people like vijay adhiraj expect you to laugh at such things. he suddenly became serious, told me to vote for him for 'best performance' on jodi no. 1, and disappeared into the madras haze.

Anonymous said...

Sarasa always felt unfit in the new country. Coming from a small town in South India, she did her best to fit into the American culture. She nicknamed herself 'Sara'. She shopped only at Macy & the likes. The only thing she could never get herself to do was to dance - she had two left feet. The first time she went to the pub with her friends, she was the only one who could not dance. She was determined to learn dancing and shake her legs during the upcoming Christmas party. She wore her high-heels and started practising against her friends' advice. She tripped and thatz how broke a ligament.

Chockalingam said...

After Mumbai DCP AN Roy personally shut down Singhania's respected establishment, the Pantaloon Beer Bar, in Vashi, Singhania decided to move south with his 37 odd beer balas. Privately, he had been mulling this move for a few weeks now, after his secret meeting with Stalin in Vadapalani.

Chennai is where the action is, Stalin reiterated. It is 40% hotter than Mumbai, the food has 57% more chillies, and Kirloskar sells 73% fewer ACs in Chennai than the rest of India. No wonder the Chennai youth are always in heat.

Singhania was still not convinced.

But after the runaway success of Bambara Kannaley, Singhania personally called up Stalin and conveyed his intentions to migrate south. By then Stalin's papa was back in power, and 20 hectare land was acquired in Avadi right next to the Trisha Krishnan Tantex bra and Tantex panties hoarding. Construction began in full swing, and MuKa himself cut the red ribbon on Aavani Aavittam this year, with superhottie Namitha in tow.

Singam Puli Kilappu began to do brisk bisness right from day 1. The star act, 27 year old Sarasa, watched live Vegas stripper videos beamed direct from the Cheetah Club on Dayanidhi Maran's DTH, all afternoon. At night, she was in her element, mimicking her firangi mentors to the best of her ability.

Corpulent Singhania rolled with Sarasa in cash. But success, she is a tough mistress.

Newcomer Jalaja from Jogeshwari, running away from a busted franship with bad Bhojpuri B-movie producer Bhopali Soorma, arrived in the JJ Travels luxury Volvo bus at Avadi municipal express bus stand. With D cup boobs and pepsi cola figure, Jalaja was going to whip Sarasa's ass.

But at the audition itself, Jalaja realized she was up against heavy odds. Sarasa had a huge fan following, especially among the influential upwardly mobile Unconference segment. Unless Sarasa was permanently toppled from her supreme position, Jalaja would forever remain her humble acolyte.

Fueled with rage and ambition, Jalaja saw her chance. As Sarasa stood on the top of the ramp, waving to the Unconference audience, Jalaja, standing right behind her, looked warily left and right, then pushed Sarasa out into the void. The floodlights, focussed tightly on Sarasa's cleavage, zoomed around in vain trying to catch Sarasa falling 45 feet to the mosaic floor below.

And thus, Jalaja reigns supreme at the Singam Puli Kilappu. What of Sarasa ? Why, instead of megaphone, she wields a mop now. Sarasa lazily sweeps the floor at Singam Puli, supporting her torn ligaments with a special platform shoe, always wondering what was it that propelled her from the dizzying heights above.

devaki said...

Ayyo, adhu en kekkarai? Sarasa had worn a saree for the first time to meet this boy from overseas. They decided to meet at some Tea bar kind of a place chosen by the boy. Sarasa reached there ok, but even as she was entering the restaurant, she tripped on all the Tantex Bras and Tantex Panties littered all over the place. The boy worked for the company it seems, and wanted to do product placement everywhere. Poor girl, even tore a ligament, tripping on all this.

Who was the boy? I don’t really know. Call him anonymous.

Siri said...

Sarasa mami va,..i know wait I'll tell you. What happened no, she was on her way to the States to meet her daughter, son-in-law and grand children you know. She also was the official sambhar pudi, rasam pudi, yenagai pudi and the whole gamut of pudi carrier for her daughter paavu. Sarasa mami had packed a whole lot of to-be-fried vadas, pickles and pudis which she had done with her own hands for the past 4 months. Poor thing dint realise how heavy her bag was because in India her son Muthu was there to haul it and porters were there in the airport to help her. When her bag arrived at the conveyor belt at the airport in States, Sarasa mami promptly grabbed it. Only to discover a micro-second later that she couldnt lift it off. But she was afraid to let go for what if the giant belt swallowed it up. So she hung on to it for life and got dragged half way around the circular conveyor. In her struggle she twisted her leg which the doctor later discovered as a ligament tear. Apdi achi kathe!

Anonymous said...

i fail to understand this obsession over desi brand innerwear..

i blame it all on shoefiend, from whose excellent post for PWhy, this fad seems to have started..

The Kid said...

Her torn ligament is just the tip of the iceberg. She keeps saying that she tripped on the stairs. Can you believe the former olympic gold medalist for wrestling tearing a ligament after tripping? "Trip" is what wrestlers do all the time, they do that for a living. She could not have possibly tore a ligament after tripping.

I will tell you what is wrong with her, the steroids she had are taking its toll in the end. She got lucky with the random tests, but not with the after effects.

chockalingam II said...

Guests at the wedding of Sarasa and Vedachalam, at the Vyasarpadi Kalyana Mandapam, located right next to the giant Tantex vest and Tantex brief hoarding, could not help commenting on the perfect chemistry of the couple. As mudhal iravu proceeded, post consumption of nutritious buffalo milk and vazhaipazham, Sarasa traced the countours of Vedachalam's face with her delicate fingers and felt, yes, she would admirably perform edhir neechal against the rising tide of life's chaos, with the support of her aththan.

The first few weeks were pure marital bliss. After ablutions, Vedachalam would leave for the Tantex mill in the factory bus. She would quickly finish household chores and settle down to a staple diet of Sun TV's Kolangal, Malargal, and sometimes the occasional Vijay TV soap as well. In the evening, Vedachalam came back from work bearing gifts of palgova, jangiri, and even murukku. They would finish off the goodies and head to bed satiated, as cultured newlywed Tambrams do. After singing Tamizh Thai Vaazhthu, they would proceed with the pleasure-giving marital rituals as prescribed by the Tamizh elders of yore, the details of which cannot be mentioned here, as these are well established oral traditions passed from father to son, mother to daughter.

But despite their blissful life, Sarasa failed to conceive. Neighbors and relatives could not help gossiping. Was Sarasa barren ? Or perhaps Vedachalam was impotent. Or worse yet, the poor couple were under the spell of Saturn. They harangued Sarasa constantly.

Only Sarasa knew what was wrong. Vedachalam never took off his Tantex vest. Ever. She had never seen him bare-chested. While making love, her hands would, out of sheer reflex, want to creep under the Tantex vest, but Vedachalam would quickly arrest their movement and kill the mood. Thus, they would never consummate.

When Sarasa hinted at this issue, Vedachalam quickly changed the topic. Soon, she learnt it was better never to mention it at all, because he would be in a bad mood all day long if she ever spoke of his permanent Tantex vest.

But Sarasa was a resolute Tamizh ponnu and determined to get at the bottom of his Tantex vest. So on this auspicious shani kizhamai, she got up at 5:30am, took a cold water bath and wiped the floor clean with a wet mop. She then drew a kolam and fervently prayed to Shaniswaran - Dear Lord, let me find out his secret today, come what may.

Then, since the floor was still wet, she gingerly walked on her toes to the bathroom where Vedachalam was taking a bath. She knew that he must take off the Tantex vest atleast while bathing, so she gently pried open the wooden bathroom jennal using a bent jennal kambi.

Immidiately she spotted Vedachalam's Tantex vest hanging in the corner wall, suspended from a rusted aani. She then glanced at her bare-chested aththan under the shower. What she saw was so shocking, so horrendous, Sarasa uttered a sharp gasp and turned away. She tried to run away with disgust, but she had forgotten the wet floor, and she landed with a huge thud that brought a scared barechested Vedachalam rushing out of the shower face to face with her.

After much sobbing and consoling, they decided to pay a visit to Vyasarpadi's sex counsellor. As per his suggestion, Vedachalam will go under the knife later this week to cure his gynecomastia. Sarasa's torn ligament is healing well, and she should be in perfect form by Sunday when Vedachalam comes back from Vyasarpadi GH.

Archana said...

"Keep being picky about the guy you want to marry and you will only have cats for company when you are older" her mother had warned her thirty five years ago. Seventy had seemed like a billion years away then.

Sarasa did not even remember when she had started collecting cats. Big ones, small ones, white ones, tan ones. Even an ugly hairless one. she loved them all, she really did. But she did wish to God that they wouldn't wrap themselves around her ankles whenever she went to get them their food. This was the third time she had tripped and torn her ligament.

Sarasa always maintained that it was the rickety staircase which caused it. But it wasn't easy facing her mother's "I told you" look when she had to limp into her mother's room at the hospice during the bi-weekly visits.